Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My Little Doggie.

I love my little doggie. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. My little doggie is a two and a half year old chihuahua named Oscar, and I love him to pieces.

He loves me too, and I can't say that I blame him. He follows me everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. In fact, he is the only one who not only can stand it, but appears to enjoy hanging out with me in the bathroom while I take one of my nuclear dumps.

He sleeps with me every night, and he doesn't even care if I fart on him. And I mean my farting butthole directly on his body! Like, as in I sleep on my stomach with my right leg bent, and that brave little soul curls up directly against my taint. And whilst I am slumbering, if I happen to rip an earth-shatteringly loud fart reminiscent of a chainsaw starting, my little doggie just lifts his head, sniffs my still smoking butthole, and then goes back to sleep. Amazing, I know.

He doesn't really appear to care for anyone else but me either. I mean he tolerates my old man, and my mother, and there are a few others he doesn't mind. But he and I are true soul mates. He doesn't like it when anyone gets near me. He has even bitten a few people whom he felt threatened to take my attention away from him.

I know, I know. You're all saying, "I can't believe you let him bite people! The dog whisperer would have a field day with that rat!" But I don't care, I know I'm a dick. I can't help but be a little bit proud that my little tiny doggie is so protective of me. And besides, I don't let him bite people. Sometimes, he just happens to succeed in chomping on someone he doesn't like.

Frankly, I wish I had those kind of balls. There are several people who piss me off on a regular basis that deserve a good gnawing. I'm just not nearly cute enough to get away with it like he does. I wouldn't mind being able to get away with pooping on the carpet and licking my own junk either.

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand about the dog. My best friend in the whole wide world is a one year old Boston terrier named Zeppe. Like your dog, he must be touching me at all times. I do draw the line though when he tries to jump up on my lap while I am sitting on the toilet.
    I love my little dog.