What kind of kid would I be if I didn't dedicate a post on Mother's Day to my dear old mother? She's been dreading this moment, as she is a frequent reader of my stupid blog. But you can't run and you can't hide, Mamma, today I am blogging about you!
So what can I say about my mamma. . . Well, she's a good sport, and she's got a good sense of humor, which are musts when you have a kid as weird as me. She's an avid reader and she likes to cook. She likes gardening and is a big fan of birdhouses. She also smells strongly of depends and ballsacks. I am totally kidding about that last part, by the way. I tell her crazy stuff like that because it makes her laugh, although I don't know how funny she will find it that I put it on my blog.
And now that I'm thinking about it, what's a Mother's Day post without a funny story about my mamma? Well it would be no post at all, I tell you! So without further adieu, here is a funny story about my mother (don't kill me mamma, you know it was funny).
Several years ago, my mamma accompanied us on a seven day cruise that we took to the carribbean. We went with a big group of friends and it was a total blast. As anyone who has been on a cruise knows, the worst days on a cruise are the first day and the last day. The reason behind that is that embarking and disembarking blows. It is nothing but a whole day filled with hurry up and wait.
On our last day, we were going through the million mile long line to disembark. My mother was there with us and we were helping her with her bags. Well it just so happens that Mamma was not in the best of spirits that morning. She was cranky and complaining and being a general pain in the balls.
It was then that my incredibly witty husband turned to her and said, "Kind of cocky this morning, aren't we?" It was all down hill from there because I found that absolutely H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S. I started laughing uncontrollably and decided to dub her "Mamma-cock." Then everyone in line started laughing and we decided that Mamma-cock should have a badge with a giant cock on it. We started saying, "Badge em Mamma-cock! Show them your badge and get us to the front of the line!"
By this time, even Mamma-cock found it funny. Kelly and I started singing that old Johnny Cash song, Daddy sang bass, except with a few small changes.
He would sing, "Daddy sang bass."
And I would sing, "Mamma sang cock."
And together we would sing, "And me and little junior joined in!"
It really was a catchy tune. Needless to say, that put everyone in a better mood, including Mamma-cock.
Anyhoo, the moral of that ridiculous story is that my mamma can roll with the punches. She's not afraid to laugh at herself and certainly not afraid to laugh at me. We do a lot of different stuff together, and we always have a great time. She just recently retired after forty years at her job, so we have a lot more time to hit the town.
So here's to you Mamma. I would have loved to have spent the day with you, but unfortunately I had to work. Instead, I'll make you a big yummy dinner on tuesday like we planned. (See this post wasn't that bad, right Mamma-cock?)